How To Make Your Au Pair Feel Part of the Family

Taking on an au pair is an exciting opportunity that’ll make the lives of busy parents easier and enrich the experience of the person brought in to help. It should be a win-win situation for all.

Ensuring everything runs smoothly takes skill and effort. There’ll be an inevitable shift in the family dynamic but there’s plenty you can do to make any adjustments always seem positive and worthwhile.

Read on to find out why making your au pair feel part of the family is an important part of the process.

The Professional Relationship with Your Au Pair

Pay The Nanny works across New Zealand and Australia and the rules around whether au pairs are employees differ between the 2 countries.

In New Zealand, au pairs enjoy the same rights and benefits as any other employee under the country’s employment law. It’s a slightly vaguer situation in Australia. If you’re unsure, we can help, so please get in touch.

For the purposes of this article, we are going to assume that your au pair is an employee. By default, you therefore become the employer and you will need to treat your au pair as you would any other worker. That means:

• Sorting out their payroll and paying them properly
• Managing their sick & holiday pay and overtime
• Providing them with a contract that clearly states your expectations

There are other legal benefits that employees have an entitlement to. You need to be across these as well. If you’re unclear about what they are, Pay the Nanny can help.

The very definition of an au pair presents a bit of a conundrum. Taken literally, au pair is French for on a par with. By implication, that means you need to treat your au pair as any other member of the family. That may on occasion be a tricky circle to square as you will also have to manage them as your employee. 

Managing Your Au Pair

Clarity is key. You need to explain your expectations carefully and ensure your au pair understands them. This can require a lot of patience if there’s a language issue but it’s time well spent because it helps mitigate the risk of misunderstandings further down the line.

You’ll also need to explain how pay, holidays and any extra babysitting or childminding duties will work in practice. Set up weekly chats to talk specifically about what’s working and what isn’t.

Always start with the positives otherwise you risk turning the meetings into occasions your au pair will either dread or do their best to avoid. Different occasions require different management hats. Sometimes you will need to be firm but fair.

At other times, you may need to behave more like a friend. Bear in mind that au pairs can suffer bouts of homesickness. Their young age may also mean they lack the benefit of significant life experience. As ever, it’s your support and extra training that may be necessary rather than a ticking-off if there’s an under-performance issue.

When Your Au Pair Arrives

Make sure their room looks cosy and inviting. It needs to be somewhere they’ll enjoy using as their own space. If possible, include a desk and comfortable chair so that they have a place to connect privately with friends or family back home. You can involve the kids in the preparations.

Throw a small family welcome party so that your au pair feels part of the family from the outset. A relaxed, special family dinner is a great chance for all the introductions. You might want to give your au pair a small but useful gift such as a tourist guide, a museum pass or a language class.

Make time to help your au pair get their bearings. Show them where the supermarket, schools, parks and important landmarks are. If possible, give them a tour of the local area so that they get a feel for where they are living. It’s grounding and will help them get a steer on how the local area works.

Include Your Au Pair in Family Activities

Over time, introduce your au pair to extended family members and close friends. If you’re planning a family day out, a holiday, a trip to the cinema or a family birthday celebration, count your au pair in. You must also make it very clear what role you’re going to expect your au pair to play if you’re all going to be away from home.

Never assume that your au pair will think they have an invite. You should make a point of having a conversation that specifically focuses on their inclusion to reinforce how welcome they are.

Be Open and Patient

It’s possible that it will be the first time your au pair has spent a significant amount of time away from home. It’s an exciting milestone but often not without some mixed emotions.

Check in with them regularly to find out how they are coping. They may need someone to share their feelings with or even a shoulder to cry on. If they are struggling, they may find the additional responsibility of looking after the children overwhelming.

Keeping them busy is going to help and so is offering them a little extra kindness from time to time. Perhaps find out their favourite meal and prepare it for them occasionally. Or, treat them to a special night out once in a while. 

Remember to always show your appreciation for the work they do. Make a point of saying thank you at the end of every day and give them feedback about what they’ve done well.

Enlist the Help of Pay the Nanny

Dealing with the formalities around paying an au pair so that you are always compliant takes up valuable time. It’s something of a minefield with even minor slip-ups proving costly and difficult to correct.

Pay the Nanny takes care of all your au pair or nanny payroll administration on your behalf. It’s a small price to pay for the peace of mind it brings and the savings in your precious time. Get in touch with one of the team today and find out how we can help.